Using ChatGPT to Name my Self Sabotaging Alter Ego

Meet Mira, My Saboteur

The alter ego. It’s intrinsic for me to picture an angel and devil perched on either shoulder using my brain’s amygdala as a tiny white weightless ball for a competitive ping pong match.¹ Before tonight, I was certain I knew exactly what my alter ego would look like in human form. I can visualize her with long jet black hair straight out of early 2000’s Pantene commercial. A stark contrast to my grown out dirty blonde bob. My hair is often awkwardly kinked from being folded into a large clip clawed into the back of my dry scalp. Tonight, my 3-year old baggie washed charcoal Billabong t-shirt brings out the hazy gray in my blue eyes. But this fictitious gal, I can almost smell her leather pants imprisoning her warm but non-perspiring thighs. There’s a sultry cardamom smell that wafts around her confident strut. Her midriff is exposed with a tight tummy and her perky tits are resting in her black fitted top. (Also not perspiring.)

I just drained my savings to buy 5 acres and an outdated 1700 sq foot A-frame cabin in the rural countryside, but she is renting a 1 bedroom loft over a moody coffee shop in the downtown Chicago. She’s got designer bags in her surprisingly large closet and regularly scheduled botox appointments and doesn’t get armpit stains from anxiety sweats at airports. (Why am I so concerned about this fictional woman’s lack of sweat?) In fact, she has a flight booked tomorrow to Kyoto, Japan for a solo adventure to a lantern festival. She impulsively booked this trip after she saw a travel blogger share about the cherry blossoms on an Instagram reel. She’ll probably take a picture in front of the blooming blossoms while sipping her matcha and her post will get 8,000 likes in the first hour. The caption will read: “Kokoro O shizumeru : To calm the mind” (insert brain emoji. matcha emoji. sparkle emoji.)

I’m not sure what this chick’s name is but it’s not Mira (pronounced MY-rah). Mira is my true alter ego. I had the pleasure of meeting this littl’ lady last night by way of ChatGPT. Don’t worry I’ll show you a picture of her at the very end. I was inspired by an essay on Substack that discusses the neuroscience behind self sabotage. The column is a well written, scientifically sourced & cited piece that goes into detail of all the reasons we get in our own way with self sabotage. We just call it different things: people pleasing, perfectionism, procrastination, avoidance, or even imposter syndrome. (Essay linked in the footnotes.)

I'm only day one into meeting my Saboteur, but there is a surprising power in giving the chaos inside your mind a name. And in my case, a sundress.

I wanted to share the prompts and method I used for this empowering exercise. I used the app “ChatGPT” to give my self sabotage alter ego a name and even a face…here’s what happened.

ChatGPT prompts:

Type this: “What would be a good alternative ego name for Rebecka. A name that I can refer to when I’m self sabotaging so that I can lovingly externalize?”

You will receive a myriad of names. You can guide chatGPT to keep narrowing a name down till one really catches your attention or resonates. I had one pop out after a few prompts but I kept digging and I’m glad I did.

Type this:

I’d like a name more_____________ & _____________.

(Choose two descriptions below to fill in the blank.)

child-like

grounded

spiritual

humorous

edgy

spicy

light & playful

symbolic or abstract

Once you narrow down your top three (3) names…

Type this: these are my top three (3) names. Please break down the emotional tone of each so I may tune into the one that fits the best.

Fantastic!! Now pick your top name for your self sabotage alter ego.

Type this:

I pick (insert self sabotage alter ego name). What is a mantra I can lovingly use when he/she/they shows up?

If the mantra is too long ask for a pocket size version. If it sounds lovely, Then…

Type this: Can you make this mantra into a printable card or phone wallpaper?

Save your card or wallpaper to an iPhone note in your phone.

If you feel comfortable I’d love for you to share your mantra or redirection wording. Feel free to comment or respond to this email if you already a reader. If you don’t feel cozy sharing your mantra. Puhlllease’ share the name of your alter ego.

A friend in Mira is a friend in Me

I’d love to introduce each of you to Mira. She could really use a friend. Not an acquaintance or a Substack follow but a true friend. The kind of friend that will add a firm date & time on a google calendar just for a day date. The kind of friend that will come over to couch rot beside you and incessantly talk about life. Mira will start to get fidgety and self-conscious and the conversation will migrate to the messy kitchen. The conversation will pick back up as her friend dries the dishes from Mira’s soggy old dishwasher. Mira will start pouring out conversation more freely because she’s now busying her hands and feeling productive while visiting and that calms her. Her friend is somersaulting a plate in pale yellow cotton dish towel while Mira reloads the dishwasher with last night’s dirty dinner plates from the murky sink water.

The two tidy the kitchen together and spontaneously decide to make her favorite matcha chocolate chip cookie recipe. ² They both lean on the kitchen island talking while the cookies cool and until their elbows go numb. They each devour a warm gooey one after a dainty cookie cheers. They smack their lips while taking in the semi-sweet chocolate chips and sea salt. Their faces mimic each other with wide satisfied eye rolls. The cookies turned out perfectly. Mira grabs a glass bowl and tucks 4 nearly cooled cookies for her friend to-go. She creases floral reusable beeswax paper over the rim and hands them to her friend to football hold to the car. They genuinely hug on the dusty brick porch and when they say “We will do this again soon.” They mean it.

Bonus prompt: If you want a visual of what you alter ego looks like, ask for a visual AI human to be created. Describe characteristics opposite or different than your own. For instance, I have dirty blond hair and blue eyes… I chose Mira to have long ginger red hair and bright green eyes. Although her eyes are a bright green, when she’s in her messy inner muse they appear dull and apathetic. You will see her soon!

Here’s my example of what to type:

Can you create an AI visual of a human of what Mira looks like? She has long ginger red hair, freckles and bright green eyes. She wears sun dresses and often barefoot. She carries a notebook around to write down all the what-if scenarios she thinks of during her insomnia spells at night. She drinks too much caffeine and thoughts spiral when people don’t tell her she’s amazing enough.

Last night was the day I named my inner critic. And shockingly she’s not this dramatic city girl in leather. Mira is curious, emotional and a little overwhelmed by all the possibilities. She wants to do well at everything but doubts herself constantly. She is sensitive and idealistic. She is susceptible to spiraling and leans way too hard into perfectionism. When she shows up: I am often overthinking, avoiding or feeling not “good enough.”

Now I know when she visits, all I have to say is: It’s okay, Mira. I’ve got us. You can rest.

Before I formally introduce you, I’d like you to take the deepest breath you’ve taken all day.

Breathe in…2…3.

Gently Breathe Out…2…3.

Meet Mira.

AI Arguments

I know a lot of people are wishing they could put the genie back in the bottle when it comes to chatGPT. But this exercise provided me something tangible to tame my chaos and I was a huge fan.

Naming Mira wasn’t just an exercise in creativity with an all-knowing phone robot. It was an act of self-compassion. This visualization provided me a clear path. It revealed where she came from and why she shows up. The path she travels from to visit me is overgrown with vines and thick shrubs. This exercise gives me a whisper through the thick vegetation to guide her back to her quiet cottage that is a safe distance away from me. This exercise gave me a new tenderness to my voice with how I speak to her…with how I speak to myself. Seeing Mira’s face for the first time allowed me to gently reclaim power to parts of me that needed to be seen.

My son colored two pictures for me while I was criss-cross apple sauce in the bed drafting this essay. Mira would have loved to see them but she's back at her cottage making more cookies for the next time she decides to visit. I feel empowered. The next time I see her, I’ll try speaking to her more softly. Until then, I’ll hold her in my heart with more grace & compassion.

May you meet your own Mira with love.

If you enjoyed this essay, you will also appreciate this one. Heaven's Barn Door ³

1. Amygdala- the part of the brain that scans for danger. Please go and read this essay on the neuroscience of self-sabotage. This essay is what inspired me to participate in this exercise and craft prompts using chatGPT to guide me to Mira. I hope this exercise serves you in a healthy way too. (why we get in our own way) the Neuroscience of Self-Sabotage

2. Becka’s Favorite Cookie Recipe that Mira also likes to make to show up an taunt me with in her parallel world: Matcha Chocolate Chip Cookies by Candice Kumai A “must save” cookie recipe

3. If you cannot upgrade as a paid subscriber at this time but would like to extend a one time monetary support for this essay— feel free to treat me to a matcha latte. Venmo: Last four of my phone number is: 2241