One Year In
Finding Joy in the Mundane Moments of Marriage
I think it’s interesting that I feel qualified to speak on this because legally I’m not married. I had a wedding ceremony in a snowy castle in Colorado on a Tuesday exactly a year ago. I recited vows in front of my closest friends and family and walked down the aisle with my soulMATE. Our wedding day felt out of a fairy tale…enchanting1 even. It was the best day of the both of our lives.
When we returned to our residential state of Texas, after meeting with our CPA it became clear, it did not financially benefit us as individuals that owned multiple businesses to legally marry each other.2 So we didn’t go get a marriage license. I don’t know if you know this but, the rules are fake. We are cohabitating spouses. We file our taxes seperately as single. We have a child together. He has a wedding band and I have a gorgeous 2 carat asscher cut diamond ring. I had a legal name change to match his and our son’s last name and I refer to him as my husband. But technically he’s not.
March 12th, 2025 is our one year wedding anniversary. September 20th we will be together 9 years. I’m incredibly grateful I found him.3 Now let’s talk about today. Here is a picture of our kitchen trashcan step pedal.
My husband would notice that his foot would slide anytime one of us stepped on the pedal of this trashcan. When discarding something the lid would open quickly and you’d have to race the lid closing to make something in; often times resulting in items being blocked and falling to the floor. It’s especially difficult when you are trying to raise a filled bag of trash out. The foot pedal is nonfunctional because of the angled slant of the pedal. Add the slickness of the silver coating; it causes your sneaker or barefoot to slide down the pedal resulting in fast lid closure.
I went to throw something away this morning. I noticed the trashcan was full. My husband and I share household chores and tasks quite evenly. If the floor needs swept.. one of us does it. If the trash needs taken out…one of us does it. We pretty fairly share the household burden. When I went to pull the trash out, I was wedging my elbow against the wall to keep the lid ajar in anticipation of my foot sliding with the lid closing on the bag like it always does. I was trying to wrestle out the full bag of trash and I noticed my foot didn’t slide. I knelt down and noticed a small abrasive non-skid strip was applied to the foot pedal. The pedal was now fully functional and I was able to keep the lid ajar without any strain to seamlessly slide the full bag of trash out of the container.
Perhaps this made a larger impact on me because it is our one year anniversary. I found myself thinking about my husband going through the motions of shopping for this adhesive strip, making a purchase, applying it, testing it to make sure it is operational and never mentioning he took the time to find a solution for something so simple that impacts us daily. It’s these moments that I think it’s important to elevate how special it is for you to have a person that bears the burden of the heaviness of life together. Many times when people mention life burdens they think of major events, large griefs, and demoralizing hurdles. I feel bearing the mundane and the ordinary stuff can be just as hard and just as important. Even the boring stuff like modifying the kitchen trash can. So here it is: my unqualified, marriage advice. Be enchanted with your spouse about the basic stuff life brings too.
Happy 1 year anniversary to Mr. Shumate. I know we aren’t walking around exploring a breathtaking castle today, but getting to share this life with you still feels like the greatest gift…one year in. Thanks for fixing our trashcan, love.
Signed,
Your fav baby momma, your roommate, your life mate, your “wife” *insert wink emoji.
-Rebecka Macon Shumate
Before you go, do you mind if we take a breath together?
Breathe in…2…3.
Breathe out gently…2…3.
Enchanted - filled with delight; charming; attractive, captivating
This is not financial advice to dissolve your marriage or to consider not legally marrying your spouse. For our financial situation it was a very obvious how negatively we would be impacted if we had to file our taxes jointly as a married couple. Highly encourage you to speak to an accountant or CPA before legally tying the knot.
Yes, I get all the credit, I found him and was the one that asked him out. I may publish the story on this that I have in drafts one day. But it’s my inner monologue and it’s a little spicy so I have lacked the bravery to click publish on that one.