The above audio recording is a blooper from my first attempt to read my essay to you. I wish more people shared their bloopers. Go back to listen to that one after you’ve read or listened to the 6 minute audio below. My dog Runt is pictured in the footnotes… the disruptive one.1
I’m sorry gums.
You’re pink and plump and homes for my teeth.
I’m sorry you are under so much pressure lately.
It’s truly not your fault.
The clenching, the grinding, the true Pressure.
I wish I knew a way to make it stawwppp’.
I’m sorry gums.
The dentist asked me if I was stressed.
My receding gum lines now remind me of last week’s garage sale signs flapping on a telephone pole with scribbled bold sharpie, SHE’S A CLENCHER.
That’s what my dentist said muffled behind his mask to the hygienist.
“She’s a Clencher.” Those words haunt me. They make me clench my teeth.
Another part of my identity made up by a stranger that smells faintly like curry. You are a: Daughter, Mom, Wife, and now…“A Clencher”.
“Miss Macon, are you stressed?” The young dentist asks again behind the robin blue surgical mask.
Well let me see doc…
I still haven’t fully recovered from birthing human 4 years ago during the pandemic. A presidential candidate was nearly assassinated this week. I’ve been obsessively checking my credit score daily. Making extra payments to my credit cards to try to decrease my DTI and get my score above a 750. I’ve been working on this diligently for 9 months so I can get approved for a mortgage again and buy a house so my family of 3 doesn’t have to live in 396ft camper anymore. I don’t think I can bare hearing my 4 year old point at a random occupied home out the truck window again and say “what about that one?” “Can we move there?” I also feel this strong pull to move back to my home state of Tennessee. But then that would just be me running away from my Texas-size problems again. I feel intrinsically restless because I finally know my life’s purpose and how to go after a big dream of mine but until I confirm where we need to root our family; I can’t start. I’m concerned about our lack of water supply since we are in the camper and don’t have a place to store back up food, water and toilet paper if the nation starts to get a little hairy’ again. Oh and I let my son have a bag of skittles 6 days ago. I feel guilting for caving and allowing him to have so much toxin exposure when I usually try to buy dye free, low toxin or organic alternatives. We were traveling 5 hours and I thought fuck it, let the kid have a bag of skittles. I bargained with him from the passenger seat and ask that he hand me all the red ones in a small bowl. I thought at least he won’t get the red 40 exposure, right? “Here ya go mom, don’t eat the red ones because they have poison in it” he advised me. I peered down at the red hard candies and swirled them in the small dish. I popped one in my mouth before I chucked the rest out the window watching in the passenger mirror as they erratically bounce on the interstate shoulder.
These were the thoughts that danced between my eyes as I squinted toward the bright procedural light above me. What I actually said to the dentist was: “Not more than usual, why?”
He went on to educate me about wearing a mouth guard at night and explained I have really good dental hygiene. He determined the only explanation for my gum recession is that I’m clenching my teeth at night when I sleep or intermittently throughout the day due to stress. I didn’t respond quickly and I think he could see a few thoughts skipping around beneath my skull. He began to vulnerably share when he was in dentistry school he noticed himself clenching his teeth due to stress. He said he tries to wear a mouth guard every night. He offered to schedule me an appointment to get a custom mold for one on my next visit. This would range between $350 and $425 dollars, he added as an afterthought. I thanked him and said I would try to find something on Amazon in the meantime to help with my “clenching”. Even saying that word made me want to grit my teeth.
I’m sorry gums.
Apparently a lot of people are needing to write an apology to their gums.
I’m not the only one with recession. I’ve been looking.
I’ve been fixated on gum lines now.
Google is hardly any help because there is a clear lack of surveillance on periodontal disease which is where gum recession incongruently falls under.
So now I not only have a new title but I’m diseased.
I know Amazon gets a bad rap at times. But I’m thankful for the 14,378 people that took the time to leave a review on a Plackers brand of dental guards called “GRIND NO MORE.” 2
I’m sorry to everyone’s gums.
Our nervous systems were not meant to be exposed to this much information.
All we can do is try to protect them.
When I woke up this morning, me and my gums, we had a terrible taste of stale plastic we spit out into the sink.
I pincer grasped the saliva covered guard out of my mouth and cleansed it with the cool tap water.
My lower jaw wasn’t sore or tight. That’s good, I thought. I tugged at my lower lip to squarely grit a smile and expose my gum lines in the mirror.
I see you down there at the base of my teeth. Tiny pink valleys cupping each white boney hill.
I gave them a stern pep talk, some morning affirmations if you will.
Remain steadfast. Hold the line. No matter the pressure…Don’t budge!
I’m truly sorry gums.
We will get through this together.
Before you go, Is it okay if we take a breath together?
Inhale …2, …3.
Gently exhale 1…, 2…, 3.
Becka 🎠
Runt, not being disruptive in this cute pet friendly Airbnb we stayed in last month. He is a giant breed but the angle of this picture makes him look even more GIANT.
Attention all Clenchers + Grinders!! Grind No More ; Also I’m a micro-influencer which means Amazon will give me an affiliate link but not a store front. So if you use this link I may get some pennies. Someti
mes I don’t even when you use the direct link. Amazon likes to play gawd’. Idk.
Thank you for reading and supporting me with a comment!! Us Texas gals! 🤠🤠💋
Girl, read this to my gums just now 😭 Another commonality to tack to our twin board…also, I think you were meant to be an author. Honestly, not sure there’s anything you’ve done that I’ve been privy to that you weren’t meant for. You’re amazing. I love you & your gum line 🩷